You know what’s impossible to hide from? Infertility.
Even when I am doing things that are so far-fetched from anything having to do with having children or being a mother it seems like it creeps in and gives me a little zinger. What stings even worse though is when people seem to not want to fess up to you that they are pregnant.
I will be the first to admit that this struggle has sucked a lot of the life and enjoyment from me. It’s HARD, and it’s painful. I have hidden so many people on my Facebook newsfeed that I really only see posts from businesses these days because I just can’t stomach the constant barrage of happy pregnancy/birth/child posts. That being said, if we are friends or family and you’re pregnant just freaking tell me. My hair won’t turn to fire, and I won’t hit you or anything – Promise! In fact, I’ll be happy for you!
Yes, I will feel pain. Yes, I will probably cry about it the next time I am alone and I’ll beg and plead with God to just please allow me a similar blessing already. What will hurt worse, though, is if you try to hide it from me because then not only will I deal with all of these feelings once I find out anyway, but I will also feel hurt and embarrassed that I am seen as such a weak person I couldn’t handle your news.
I was in the car with my husband and stepson yesterday. We were sitting in traffic on the way to the optometrist’s office to pick up my new glasses, and all of the sudden my stepson blurts out “(Friend of His) is going to have a brother or a sister because his mom is going to get a baby in six months!”
I nearly felt my heart stop beating in my chest.
Again, I am HAPPY for them. They are really great people and we have hung out a few times. However only a few weeks prior to this I was having a conversation with this woman about our current fertility treatments and how it’s been such a struggle. I feel sick to my stomach that I had opened up about it while she sat there, right in front of me, pregnant and not saying anything. Though, I suppose, similar to talking to others about your anxiety/depression they never really know what to say to you.
I just feel so alone, and defeated.
I am on CD55 today. 13 days past a finally-confirmed ovulation. I was in no way expecting it though. I had thought this cycle wasn’t going to work out (my doctor felt the same) so we hadn’t continued trying with any regularity. So now, I have to wait another 6 days before my period is supposed to show up and just sit here knowing I missed my chance – again – and time is slowly ticking away as my dreams turn to dust.
Even when I am doing things that are so far-fetched from anything having to do with having children or being a mother it seems like it creeps in and gives me a little zinger. What stings even worse though is when people seem to not want to fess up to you that they are pregnant.
I will be the first to admit that this struggle has sucked a lot of the life and enjoyment from me. It’s HARD, and it’s painful. I have hidden so many people on my Facebook newsfeed that I really only see posts from businesses these days because I just can’t stomach the constant barrage of happy pregnancy/birth/child posts. That being said, if we are friends or family and you’re pregnant just freaking tell me. My hair won’t turn to fire, and I won’t hit you or anything – Promise! In fact, I’ll be happy for you!
Yes, I will feel pain. Yes, I will probably cry about it the next time I am alone and I’ll beg and plead with God to just please allow me a similar blessing already. What will hurt worse, though, is if you try to hide it from me because then not only will I deal with all of these feelings once I find out anyway, but I will also feel hurt and embarrassed that I am seen as such a weak person I couldn’t handle your news.
I was in the car with my husband and stepson yesterday. We were sitting in traffic on the way to the optometrist’s office to pick up my new glasses, and all of the sudden my stepson blurts out “(Friend of His) is going to have a brother or a sister because his mom is going to get a baby in six months!”
I nearly felt my heart stop beating in my chest.
Again, I am HAPPY for them. They are really great people and we have hung out a few times. However only a few weeks prior to this I was having a conversation with this woman about our current fertility treatments and how it’s been such a struggle. I feel sick to my stomach that I had opened up about it while she sat there, right in front of me, pregnant and not saying anything. Though, I suppose, similar to talking to others about your anxiety/depression they never really know what to say to you.
I just feel so alone, and defeated.
I am on CD55 today. 13 days past a finally-confirmed ovulation. I was in no way expecting it though. I had thought this cycle wasn’t going to work out (my doctor felt the same) so we hadn’t continued trying with any regularity. So now, I have to wait another 6 days before my period is supposed to show up and just sit here knowing I missed my chance – again – and time is slowly ticking away as my dreams turn to dust.