Today, and this blog post, mark two very big steps in my TTC journey.
First - I am starting this blog. Which is both liberating and terrifying at the same time. Liberating because I find myself desperately wanting to "talk" about my thoughts and feelings during the highs and lows of TTC. However, it's also rather terrifying because when you talk about trying to conceive you're not only, by nature of the conversation, inviting whomever you're talking to into your sex life but you're also opening up about a very vulnerable part of yourself. The latter more so if you are dealing with trouble TTC like I am.
The only people who know the reality of our TTC situation is my husband (obviously, since he's subjected to all the crazy on demand "doing it," and millions of doctors appointments) and my father. I know it seems weird for me to be opening up to my Dad about this, but he is truly my best friend besides my husband, and I would probably be so lost throughout all of this if it weren't for him. So, now taking the leap to come out publicly and talk about what, most days, feels like me failing as a woman is really scary. I know there will be judgments and I know there will be a lot of people willing to provide "advice" for my situation. Let me be frank about that - I've probably heard the advice you want to give. Trust me! Also, believe me when I say there are few things more gut wrenching and heartbreaking than someone who has never had to deal with infertility telling you to "relax and it'll happen," or to "trust that it'll happen in God's timing." I'll get into more of why both of those things are more hurtful than helpful below.
The second big step in our TTC journey is that as of this Friday, March 27 I will be having yet another appointment with our FS to lay out a game plan for medications to try and help my body do what a woman's body is meant to do naturally - Ovulate. Remember that advice "just relax and it'll happen?" That's so far from the truth! I discontinued taking hormone birth control pills in November 2013. For 12 months after that we were what's considered NTNP (Not Trying Not Preventing). Meaning, if I fell pregnant GREAT! If not, we weren't worried about it. It doesn't get more relaxed than that! However, during that time I only had 2 menstrual periods. Yep, 2! Meaning, at most I only ovulated twice during those 12 months of NTNP. That only gave us 2 chances to potentially conceive a child. Of those 2 chances a normal couple only has a 30% chance of fertilization happening during each cycle. So... if you're good at math you're probably catching on the my point here - no amount of relaxing is going to increase our terrible odds of getting pregnant naturally.
So, our next step, which will be laid out by our FS this Friday will be to find a cocktail of medications that will hopefully make me ovulate so we can at least get the chance to try to get pregnant! I'm cautiously excited. There are no guarantees that whatever medication she feels we should try will actually work. So, although we've been technically trying to get pregnant for the last 19 months - we are looking at quite a few months of "trial and error" coming up which doesn't make me happy. As a naturally impatient person all of this waiting is really difficult!
First - I am starting this blog. Which is both liberating and terrifying at the same time. Liberating because I find myself desperately wanting to "talk" about my thoughts and feelings during the highs and lows of TTC. However, it's also rather terrifying because when you talk about trying to conceive you're not only, by nature of the conversation, inviting whomever you're talking to into your sex life but you're also opening up about a very vulnerable part of yourself. The latter more so if you are dealing with trouble TTC like I am.
The only people who know the reality of our TTC situation is my husband (obviously, since he's subjected to all the crazy on demand "doing it," and millions of doctors appointments) and my father. I know it seems weird for me to be opening up to my Dad about this, but he is truly my best friend besides my husband, and I would probably be so lost throughout all of this if it weren't for him. So, now taking the leap to come out publicly and talk about what, most days, feels like me failing as a woman is really scary. I know there will be judgments and I know there will be a lot of people willing to provide "advice" for my situation. Let me be frank about that - I've probably heard the advice you want to give. Trust me! Also, believe me when I say there are few things more gut wrenching and heartbreaking than someone who has never had to deal with infertility telling you to "relax and it'll happen," or to "trust that it'll happen in God's timing." I'll get into more of why both of those things are more hurtful than helpful below.
The second big step in our TTC journey is that as of this Friday, March 27 I will be having yet another appointment with our FS to lay out a game plan for medications to try and help my body do what a woman's body is meant to do naturally - Ovulate. Remember that advice "just relax and it'll happen?" That's so far from the truth! I discontinued taking hormone birth control pills in November 2013. For 12 months after that we were what's considered NTNP (Not Trying Not Preventing). Meaning, if I fell pregnant GREAT! If not, we weren't worried about it. It doesn't get more relaxed than that! However, during that time I only had 2 menstrual periods. Yep, 2! Meaning, at most I only ovulated twice during those 12 months of NTNP. That only gave us 2 chances to potentially conceive a child. Of those 2 chances a normal couple only has a 30% chance of fertilization happening during each cycle. So... if you're good at math you're probably catching on the my point here - no amount of relaxing is going to increase our terrible odds of getting pregnant naturally.
So, our next step, which will be laid out by our FS this Friday will be to find a cocktail of medications that will hopefully make me ovulate so we can at least get the chance to try to get pregnant! I'm cautiously excited. There are no guarantees that whatever medication she feels we should try will actually work. So, although we've been technically trying to get pregnant for the last 19 months - we are looking at quite a few months of "trial and error" coming up which doesn't make me happy. As a naturally impatient person all of this waiting is really difficult!